Some days I just get sick of myself. Do you ever feel that way? I have a ton of opportunities in my life currently . . . training opportunities, group fellowship, a great church, people who love me. Really what else could I ask for? Right? Still enough is never enough.
This current quest, we'll call it, was prompted by an assignment in training for lay counseling this week. I knew when she explained it, I was going to struggle. It's the same place I always get stuck. Goals . . . If there is a book that has been written by John Maxwell, I have read it. He's the master of moving people forward toward their goals. I have all this great knowledge in my head but simply cannot move forward or at least what I think is forward. (I probably shoot for giant steps, even leaps instead of baby steps. That instant gratification thing dies hard) So when the director of counseling gave this assignment, my heart sank yet again. Crap! What am I good at? Where do I need to improve? Here's the killer . . . What are my dreams, goals for my life, physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially? But the next question may be new in the process and could be the step I am missing . . . What is stopping me? God has work to do here.
I can always tell when God wants to work on an area of my life because it will be a reoccurring theme for days even weeks to come. As is the case here.
Mike and I are involved in a small group that we love. It's a stretch for us since community like this is not something we have ever wanted to do. It's pretty amazing, this group of broken, honest folks. It's called "Ohana" which means extended family by choice. This is becoming truth about this group. Last night continuing on this theme God is pressing in me, the leader (by the way happens to be married to the director of counseling, collusion?) starts us with a question about our unfounded fears. You know the stuff you are afraid of that is ridiculous? Well there was plenty of fear in that room, interesting fears, cows, clowns and somethings about chickens and elderly people. I will keep anonymity for this group. But what I came away with was that there is lots of fear in my life. Some founded, some not but the passage we went to was Mark 10:46-52. The account of the blind beggar. This guy is blind, begging for alms as usual and finds out the commotion he hears is Jesus coming. So he's crying out, probably yelling to be heard above the crowd, for Jesus to have mercy on him. Jesus hears him and calls him to come. ( interesting that Jesus always hears us above the noise in our life, the stuff, when we cry out.) I love what this guy does . . . He throws aside his cloak. This reminds me of Hebrews 12:1 where Paul encourages the believer to lay aside the sin that besets them, holds them back and press on towards the GOAL. But here's where our group discussion time was directed . . . Mark 10:51 - Jesus ask this blind beggar, "What do you want Me to do for you?". Jesus is asking us that as well. "What do you want Me to do for you?" We were asked to write our request of Jesus on a card, What we would ask Jesus to do for us.
There are a couple of things that I think need to be pointed out here. I have told my children for some time, God is not a genie in a magic bottle that you can rub and polish your life to get what you want from Him. This was spiritual work being done here with this blind beggar, it required something from him. He had to ask and turn. But his request was for sight. He wanted to see.
So what does this have to do with the assignment given in lay counseling training? Why can I not see clearly where God is leading me? Why can I not set goals and move toward them? What's wrong with me? Just like the beggar, I'm blind in areas of my life.
Oh don't think God's done yet . .. this morning in Psalms 119: 36 Incline my ear to your testimonies (covenant) and not to dishonest gain. God does the "inclining" the turning or directing of, giving preference to, attention to His covenant, His testimonies. The way God wants His people to be in covenant relationship with Him he directs. He inclines, draws, teaches through the Holy Spirit. That directed me to Ezekiel 33:31 that basically says they were sitting and listening but not doing or living out what they were taught, that their heart was going after their own gain. OUCH! What was dishonest gain in Psalms 119:36? That took me to Mark 7:20-23. In a nutshell this passage says, it's what proceeds from a man's heart that defiles him, followed by a list, an ugly list of things that I rate in my mind .. .evil thoughts, fornication, thefts, murders, adulteries, (OK none of those . . check) deeds of coveting (ouch) and wickedness, as well as deceit (maybe) , sensuality, envy (here we go . . .) slander ( on no!) pride ( enough!) and foolishness (acting in a childish manner, not like an adult, doing things you know better than to do. OK I GET IT) These are what defile a man or woman. I had to spend some time, working through a daily inventory, that might be a week old, maybe two, OK maybe longer for 'deep cleaning". I was living in denial!
So here's what I wrote on my card in our small group from the night before. . . "Father, Abba Father, give me a glimpse of where you are taking me, so I can be encouraged and stay the course, so I can set goals that are in line with the calling you have on my life." Give me eyes to see.
Bottom line . . . God is faithful to answer prayer. He wants to move us forward toward the mark of the calling He has had on our lives from before the foundation of the world; the purpose He has created us for. Jeremiah 29:11 He is limited by my willingness to repent of the sin that besets me, that clogs my spiritual arteries of faith and trust in Him, that sin nature that keeps me seeking dishonest gain. Egocentric! When I throw down my cloak, and come to Him in repentance, He answers my prayer.
Do I have a clear solid goal? . . . No, but I do have clarity, a glimpse that God wants me to stay the course He has me on. Do I understand it fully? Nope! My fears are a lack a trust in a God who loves me deeply, sacrificially, fully, without condemnation!
Mark 10:49 the disciples said to the blind beggar . . . "Take Courage, stand up!" He is calling for you!"
Someone shared last night . . . Satan wins when I give up!
I will press on, one baby step at a time, towards Him. Hebrews 12:1
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment