Turning . . . to or from?

Psalms 119:65-72

You have dealt well with your servant, O Lord, according to Your word. 66 Teach me good discernment and knowledge, for I believe in Your commandments. 67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word. 68 You are good and do good; teach me Your statues. 69 The arrogant have forged a lie against me; with all my heart I will observe Your precepts. 70 Their heart is covered with fat, but I delight in Your law. 71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statues. 72 The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

We are always turning, moving, making choices.
My friend and sponsor tells me we are never standing still. We are either moving forward or sliding backward. This scripture encourages the positives forward moving benefits of his affliction and the TURNING benefits in his life. Here's what God showed me about these benefits in my affliction and the choices I make to turn. . .

Benefit #1 vs 66 - The ability and willingness to be teachable in discernment, (judgement) and knowledge.

Benefit #2 vs 67- His affliction was a blessing because it caused him to turn to God. To evaluate the direction he was headed and change direction; make a better choice, choose God's way.

Benefit #3 vs 68 - Seeing who God is and that He is good and does good. This is not about God choosing good. This is a statement of God's character. God is good and because of that all He does is good.

Benefit #4 vs 69 - Clarity to see truth instead of lies. Satan's lies about us are both in our head with "stinkin' thinkin'" and comes at us through other peoples attacks, lies, half truths (which is a lie), manipulations to sin, temptations to sin. The enemy is working overtime against those who choose to follow the Lord, to believe His covenant word to us, to follow His precepts. Someone once said if you are not battling Satan daily in your life, you may be going in His direction. If your life doesn't threaten Him and His cause to thwart Christ in this world, why would Satan need to bother with you. Conflict, battles may be a measurement. My personal battlefield with Satan is my mind. How I think and then how choose I react to thoughts that are not from God. Scott Miller, Big Valley Grace Recover Pastor, says God is a gentleman. He never talks ugly to us. So if you are being torn down with negative thoughts about yourself, that is not from God. He never belittles us. That's Satan. TURN.

Benefit #5 vs 70 - Lightness. I struggle with weight and food. I have all my life, but I love this verse! Their heart was covered in fat! (referring to his lying enemies) We all know what fat does to the heart and body. He, however, was free from that fat and that give him lightness, freedom to move, breath, run, dance, serve. . . FREEDOM!

Finally
Benefit #6 vs 72 - Eternal riches; treasures in heaven; a view of life through a non- materialist lens.

All these benefits were because He chose to TURN from going astray to God, His law, His word, His precepts. The catalyst for this turning was his affliction allowed by a loving God whose desire for us is relationship with Him. That turning is repentance . . . turning from self to God.

Choices - Blessing - Freedom!

My mother's favorite song that echoed her heart and life was

I'd Rather Have Jesus

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold, I'd rather be His than have riches untold. I'd rather have Jesus than houses or land. I'd rather be held by his nail -pierced hands. Than to be the king of a vast domain or be held in sins dread sway. I'd rather have Jesus than anything, this world affords today.

Repentance is once for all for salvation but daily repentance from self, my way, to God's way is for the relationship that is described in Psalms 119 65-72.

Hallelujah What a Savior! Abba Father! Friend!

Sublte Sin Stifles Success

Some days I just get sick of myself. Do you ever feel that way? I have a ton of opportunities in my life currently . . . training opportunities, group fellowship, a great church, people who love me. Really what else could I ask for? Right? Still enough is never enough.

This current quest, we'll call it, was prompted by an assignment in training for lay counseling this week. I knew when she explained it, I was going to struggle. It's the same place I always get stuck. Goals . . . If there is a book that has been written by John Maxwell, I have read it. He's the master of moving people forward toward their goals. I have all this great knowledge in my head but simply cannot move forward or at least what I think is forward. (I probably shoot for giant steps, even leaps instead of baby steps. That instant gratification thing dies hard) So when the director of counseling gave this assignment, my heart sank yet again. Crap! What am I good at? Where do I need to improve? Here's the killer . . . What are my dreams, goals for my life, physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially? But the next question may be new in the process and could be the step I am missing . . . What is stopping me? God has work to do here.

I can always tell when God wants to work on an area of my life because it will be a reoccurring theme for days even weeks to come. As is the case here.

Mike and I are involved in a small group that we love. It's a stretch for us since community like this is not something we have ever wanted to do. It's pretty amazing, this group of broken, honest folks. It's called "Ohana" which means extended family by choice. This is becoming truth about this group. Last night continuing on this theme God is pressing in me, the leader (by the way happens to be married to the director of counseling, collusion?) starts us with a question about our unfounded fears. You know the stuff you are afraid of that is ridiculous? Well there was plenty of fear in that room, interesting fears, cows, clowns and somethings about chickens and elderly people. I will keep anonymity for this group. But what I came away with was that there is lots of fear in my life. Some founded, some not but the passage we went to was Mark 10:46-52. The account of the blind beggar. This guy is blind, begging for alms as usual and finds out the commotion he hears is Jesus coming. So he's crying out, probably yelling to be heard above the crowd, for Jesus to have mercy on him. Jesus hears him and calls him to come. ( interesting that Jesus always hears us above the noise in our life, the stuff, when we cry out.) I love what this guy does . . . He throws aside his cloak. This reminds me of Hebrews 12:1 where Paul encourages the believer to lay aside the sin that besets them, holds them back and press on towards the GOAL. But here's where our group discussion time was directed . . . Mark 10:51 - Jesus ask this blind beggar, "What do you want Me to do for you?". Jesus is asking us that as well. "What do you want Me to do for you?" We were asked to write our request of Jesus on a card, What we would ask Jesus to do for us.

There are a couple of things that I think need to be pointed out here. I have told my children for some time, God is not a genie in a magic bottle that you can rub and polish your life to get what you want from Him. This was spiritual work being done here with this blind beggar, it required something from him. He had to ask and turn. But his request was for sight. He wanted to see.

So what does this have to do with the assignment given in lay counseling training? Why can I not see clearly where God is leading me? Why can I not set goals and move toward them? What's wrong with me? Just like the beggar, I'm blind in areas of my life.

Oh don't think God's done yet . .. this morning in Psalms 119: 36 Incline my ear to your testimonies (covenant) and not to dishonest gain. God does the "inclining" the turning or directing of, giving preference to, attention to His covenant, His testimonies. The way God wants His people to be in covenant relationship with Him he directs. He inclines, draws, teaches through the Holy Spirit. That directed me to Ezekiel 33:31 that basically says they were sitting and listening but not doing or living out what they were taught, that their heart was going after their own gain. OUCH! What was dishonest gain in Psalms 119:36? That took me to Mark 7:20-23. In a nutshell this passage says, it's what proceeds from a man's heart that defiles him, followed by a list, an ugly list of things that I rate in my mind .. .evil thoughts, fornication, thefts, murders, adulteries, (OK none of those . . check) deeds of coveting (ouch) and wickedness, as well as deceit (maybe) , sensuality, envy (here we go . . .) slander ( on no!) pride ( enough!) and foolishness (acting in a childish manner, not like an adult, doing things you know better than to do. OK I GET IT) These are what defile a man or woman. I had to spend some time, working through a daily inventory, that might be a week old, maybe two, OK maybe longer for 'deep cleaning". I was living in denial!

So here's what I wrote on my card in our small group from the night before. . . "Father, Abba Father, give me a glimpse of where you are taking me, so I can be encouraged and stay the course, so I can set goals that are in line with the calling you have on my life." Give me eyes to see.

Bottom line . . . God is faithful to answer prayer. He wants to move us forward toward the mark of the calling He has had on our lives from before the foundation of the world; the purpose He has created us for. Jeremiah 29:11 He is limited by my willingness to repent of the sin that besets me, that clogs my spiritual arteries of faith and trust in Him, that sin nature that keeps me seeking dishonest gain. Egocentric! When I throw down my cloak, and come to Him in repentance, He answers my prayer.

Do I have a clear solid goal? . . . No, but I do have clarity, a glimpse that God wants me to stay the course He has me on. Do I understand it fully? Nope! My fears are a lack a trust in a God who loves me deeply, sacrificially, fully, without condemnation!


Mark 10:49 the disciples said to the blind beggar . . . "Take Courage, stand up!" He is calling for you!"

Someone shared last night . . . Satan wins when I give up!

I will press on, one baby step at a time, towards Him. Hebrews 12:1

Always looking for direction . . .

I have been meditating in Psalms 118 for the last several days ( it's a long psalm). In Psalms 118:5 it says, "From my distress I called upon the Lord; The Lord answered me and set me in a large place." So I spent some time thinking about the significance of a "large place" as opposed to a mountain top or valley. There is clarity, security, rest because in a large place you can see what's coming and have time to prepare. That provides safety. There's clarity because in this space there is time to focus on the task at hand; look at the details because you are safe from immediate hazards. Hazard you might be concerned about in the valley or on the mountain. If you hike at all, this makes sense. There's less potential for falling or getting hurt in a wide open space than there is in a narrow valley or on a mountain trail.




From this large place, there is victory from the enemy vs 10 - 18. God has defended us and won the battle! (He's in control)




Then in verse 19 there is a response of obedience because of what God has done. The scripture reads "Open to me the gates of righteousness; I shall enter through them, I shall give thanks to the Lord."


It struck me that I don't open the gate of righteousness, God does. I choose to enter. I am constantly asking God for direction in my life. I always want to know where I'm going; what I'm supposed to do next. LEAD ME GUIDE ME is my cry. But the choice today is " Lord, open for me the gate of righteousness. I'll choose to follow you in what is right, pure, holy. My choice today will be you; focusing on you.


Think about all the gates in scripture, gates to the temples, gates around cities, narrow gates, wide gates. There are tons of them!



IN Matthew 7: 13-14 Jesus talks about a gate that is narrow and I must choose to enter into it. He doesn't drag us. This narrow gate leads to life, the wide easy gate leads to destruction.



Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way (gate) that seems right to a man but it ends in death and destruction. (emphasis added)



John 14:6 Jesus says, I'm am the way (gate), the truth, the life no one can get to the Father except they come through me ( Jesus is the gate to get to God).



So God opens the gate to righteousness, provides the gate in Jesus Christ and I get the blessings of life and relationship for choosing to enter the gate.


Choose you this day whom you shall serve. . . . As for me and my house, We will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15


My house is the temple of the Holy spirit who gives me the power (resurrection power) to choose the gate of righteousness. Today.

I've spent a lot of time looking for and asking for direction, today I choose to look for the opened gate of righteousness and leave the way up to God. The infinite eternal gatekeeper.

He understands!

He has risen! He has risen indeed!

It's Easter Morning and Mike and I enjoyed an amazing California sunrise from our patio. We live in what I like to gratefully call, Our Garden of Eden. We sit between the Tuolumne River and the main irrigation canal. In this fertile crescent below us lies fruit of almost every kind, and beyond us are the majestic Sierra Nevada Mountains and Yosemite. Truly we are blessed but particularly this morning as we celebrated the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.



I'm coming off a particularly bad week of both physical and emotional sickness. I'm not sure which came first but both existed and had me in bed. As Mike and I read the four accounts of the resurrection, I was struck by Mark's version in Mark 15 especially verse 7 where the angel instructed the ladies to go and tell the disciple and Peter that Jesus had risen and was to meet them in Galilee.



I love Peter, precious co-dependent, live out loud, hoof and mouth disease,get-it-done, isolating, shame-filled Peter. I'm confident that God uses his example in other people's lives but I'm pretty sure, Peter's flawed self was exposed for me. I am the Romans 8:28 for him.



My thought was . . . Is Jesus still so keenly aware of the guilt and shame we carry around like He was aware of Peter's.? I know and believe that God has forgiven me of my sins, all of them, past present and future. NO DOUBT! But the shame and the hurting of other in my sinful choices, how can that go away? How did it go away for Peter?


I truly believe Roman 8:28, and try to practice Philippians 4:8, still the shame for my sin exists. Peter must have wanted to leave the country . . . find a different place, change his name after the third time the cock crowed just four days before. Was he even at the crucifixion? I haven't researched that yet, but if he were there my gut says he was hiding, not hanging with the others. Even if he was there with them physically, I have to believe he was there cloaked in his shame and guilt. He was a believer, a follower, one of Jesus' closest friends and yet he had betrayed him publicly. Denied it all. Through this flawed, bigger than life individual God let me see Peter's successes after his shameful, public failure.


What power changed him from isolating, co-dependent Peter to the powerhouse apostle and leader of the church he became?
God showed me today at our private sunrise time; He reinforced it as Pastor Rick Countryman nailed it this morning and then in His gentleness, loved me in a text from my oldest daughter, Leslie.

In Mark's account of the resurrection, the angel singles out Peter, then the resurrected Savior appears to Peter alone, both speak to God's concern for hurting people who just can not forgive themselves. Those whose grief over their sin strangles them. But Matthew's account in chapter 28:17 at the transfiguration, I think, say this . . ."All power is given unto me in heaven and on earth." (Jesus speaking). This power was not new to Jesus. It's the power he divested himself of to live on this earth as a man. It's the power He laid down for my sin, my guilt, my shame, willingly dying for my sin . . . resurrection power - the forces of Hell can't stop it power, even now . . even for me. That's the power Peter lived out his life with. He knows he was forgiven, love and gifted by God. Though Romans 8:28 was not written at the time, Peter trusted that "God would make all things right if He surrendered to God's will." (Serenity Prayer) Peter trusted that power. I think if you were able to ask Peter today about his public denial of Jesus he would hang his head, but it wouldn't be for long. I believe he'd raise it slowly with tears in his eyes and say "Thank God I'm forgiven because of what my Savior Jesus did for me. I'm accepted and approved because of Christ resurrection power and it is because of the power I can forgive myself."



Thank you Peter for living large and loud . . . warts and all, so that today Romans 8:28 and Matthew 28:17 are mine, lived out through the example of Christ in you, Peter, my hope of glory and the power for me to live out loud.



Immediately after I penned these words in my journal a text message arrive from my oldest daughter that read "Happy Easter all! I hope u are all enjoying celebrating the Lord's glory and victory over death to save us from our sins. Love u all!" I can truly say, that Jesus cares deeply about the shame and guilt we carry around today just like he did for Peter.



He is risen . . . He is risen indeed!

Inheritance . . .

I love my husband and I'm so very grateful for how he provides for us and takes care of our family. We are truly blessed of God. In my mind, however this morning it went to a place where God again exposed how my old sinful nature still has control of my mind. That 'renewed mind' spoken of in Rom 12:1-2 truly is a conscience choice that simply does not come naturally!



So I'm praying for Michael as he leaves for work, that God would keep him safe and give him a blessed day; where he feels like he accomplished his very big to do list. From there my natural mind goes to 'What would I do with him?' This always brings tears because He is the love of my life, my best friend and life partner, however, it also bring me to think . . .'how will I provide for myself?' 'What will I do to support me?' 'What will I have to change?' Sick right? I will say I'm come some piece down the road, because I didn't get online to begin to look for a job, or turn on the calculator to determine needed income or call the insurance agent to increase our life insurance. That's improvement, but still MY need to "fix and control" came racing forward. That I recognize this as faulty, stinking thinking is recovery!



Amazing . . . God always has a purpose in where He takes my mind during our quite time together. So here's where this went! Psalms 112 was where I spent time this morning.



Inheritance . . . I look around my home and it's full of inheritance. Furnished in "early attic"- hand me downs, parts of family estates, grandfather's this and grandmother's that; Mom and Dad's such and such. What will we save for the kids and grand kids? How will they know the stories? Wood, metal, pictures, glass, silver, gold, china, . . . STUFF! Just stuff.

God has given me so much more than old stuff for an inheritance.



Psalms 112 - How blessed is the man who fears the Lord and keeps His commands.

Here's the blessed man's inheritance, his legacy . .

• verse 2 - His descendants will be mighty, his generations will be blessed.


• Verse 3- wealth and riches are in his house, his righteousness endures forever.

Way more than stuff!

Reverence the Lord, Keep His commands. What does that mean? Reverence is an old term and today I think we would say give preference to . . . when there is a choice, and there always is, between what I want and what God wants (What He teaches in his word the bible) . . . choose God's.

Not just once in a while, but consistently, as a habit. This is how the righteous, blessed person lives out his life. He's focused and give preference to God's and His commands. How do I do that? Sounds like 'do's and don't's" . . . rules. I want to choose my rules my way, so if God made these rules they have got be tough to keep, right? So being performance based, I'm sure I can white knuckle this and get 'er done, right? Tiring ... it is, I know, I've tried.



Actually God's rules are impossible to keep . . ENCOURAGED? Here's the cool thing, God never expected me to keep them alone, He knew I couldn't. Like Pastor Rick has been teaching in this Grace series at Big Valley Grace, I need to simply rest, relax in the work Jesus Christ has already done for me on the cross. His grace truly is enough for my salvation . . His saving grace, for my sustenance . . .His sustaining grace and for the renewed thinking, a changed life . . . His redeeming grace. The ability to choose God's ways comes from God himself, through the Holy Spirit given to me the moment I trust Christ as my savior.



Amazing love! How can it be?



So for this inheritance I desire for my family - not stuff; my focus - life focus- today focus needs to be on God and the relationship He desires with me and for me. Intimate with Him and out of that flows my desire to obey and follow Him. He has my best interest at heart. I choose to trust Him. He will not and cannot let me go. Hebrews 13:5&6, Joshua 1:5.



I have an inheritance in Christ imperishable, bought with a price, the blood of Jesus. It has my name on it in heaven 1 Peter 1:3-5. So for my family, does my talk and walk match up? Like His, like my mom's, my grandmother's? Their inheritance to me . . imperishable, incorruptible , the living resurrected hope found only in Christ. Thanks Mom!



This is holy week, listen to Pastor Rick online about this week in the life of Jesus, for you, for me. http://www.bigvalleygrace.org/. The Grace series can be found there as well.

It's Awesome!



Remember and celebrate what it cost Christ for our salvation and the living hope and power over sin He provided at the resurrection. That resurrection power availabe to us so we can live the God focused life of the blessed man spoken of in Psalms 112.

Are you listening yet?

First I need to tell you this is a whole new thing for me in several ways . . .
1. I have never created a blog. 2. I'm not sure why God laid it on my heart to communicate this information. (yes, God does speak to me but not verbally,so I'm not hearing voices) 3. I'm not anything real special and by that I mean, educationally . . . no books and up until now no writing except in my journal.

That said . . . My heart is to share what God is teaching me in His word. So today, this is what God prompted me to write . . .

How does God speak to us? If God truly created us to be in relationship with him, to really know him intimately, then how does that happen? Here's what I have learned from a life of not always paying attention.

God Speaks to us three ways . . . typically.
1. He speaks to us through His Holy spirit as we read His word, the Bible. Couple of verses that may help here. . . Hebrews 4:12; Psalms 119:105; John 1:1-5 & 14-17; Proverbs 5:4;Romans 10:17
2. God speaks to us through people. Pastors, teachers, sponsors, accountability partners, friends, small groups . . . Community. We are created for relationship with Him and others. I'm learning this is much more important in my spiritual journey than previously thought. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Romans 15:1-2; @ Corinthians 1:3-4.
3. Through our circumstances. You've probably heard people say, "God is trying to get your attention through your hard times." Here's what I've experienced in my hard circumstances( and i've had a few). . . God gets my attention. He unearths a character flaw that doesn't glorify him and is not best in my life, and then uses what he has taught me for His glory in the lives of others. Romans 8:28.
My point and what I heard God teach me today is that the order of the methods He uses to speak to us may be important and in increasing order. (Like the voluming going up)

1. If we are sucked up close to God in His word. What do I mean? Daily spending time with Him reading, meditating, praying for instruction, waiting to hear from Him.
2. If we are enjoying community and fellowship that is real, transparent; not the "Sunday-go-to-church" type. But genuine relationship with other believers.
3. Then perhaps . . . God doesn't have to YELL at us in our circumstances. (not in anger, but to get our attention) You know the ones I'm talking about . . . hard, intense life changing, let me run and hide circumstance.

God still uses circumstance to teach and instruct us but if we are practicing method ONE and method TWO of listening to God, I believe method THREE may not be as stressful, hard, dig my heels in, my way or the highway . . . such a fight. It maybe much more gentle like working muscles on a new exercise, developing a new discipline in our life.

So, test this theory and see if God has to yell to get your attention through circumstance or gently train you in them. I'd love you to let me know if the theory is valid.

Proverbs 8:33, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, 1 Timothy 4:-7-8, Romans 12:1-2, I Timothy 1:5
Sun